my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
