Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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