my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
