So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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