she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
