I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
