I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
