Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
