It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
