I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
