i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
