so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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