she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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