In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
