at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
