did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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