Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
why do cheetos always look like penises
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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