best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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