No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
