I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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