u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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