I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
