My nipple is on Facebook.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
