Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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