I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
