I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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