I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
