I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
