If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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