420 ftw
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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