there's paper in my vomit.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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