Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
