My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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