She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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