Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
