I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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