There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
wow bdsm is so cute
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
