it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
