I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need to align my fucking chakras
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
