I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
