I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
