Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
