Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
