is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
