I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
