ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
