seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
