i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
