Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
