Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
