I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
