Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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