I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
