I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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