So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
