Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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