I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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