I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
