the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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