I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize