well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
