i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
