Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
