her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We are two peas in an std pod
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
