It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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