dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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