quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
