I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
