Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
