Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
