so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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