yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
