Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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