Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
